I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
