hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
