; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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