So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
