More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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