Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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