Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
