drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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