Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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