i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Never underestimate the power of titties
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