We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
