i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
