just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
