I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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