So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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