dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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