I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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