i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
