yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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