I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
