Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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