Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
