Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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