Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
