just tell him i said nine months
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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