don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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