I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
