dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
