Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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