Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
