I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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