Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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