It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
