you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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