I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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