It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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