On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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