So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
