I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can I color on your dick again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
