I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
