Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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