no, he came in my armpit
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
