I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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