Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
