I just saw a hot homeless man
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
