Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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