Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
