she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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