The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
