Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
