Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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