Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
