Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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