just tell him i said nine months
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
